Hope within Chaos Collection

Story:

When something or someone is taken from you, it never seems fair. As Muslims, we believe that everything we have is not truly ours; everything we claim “ours” is just a gift. Whatever Allah takes away or gives belongs to Him, and there is a great reward in patience when dealing with grievance and loss. But the truth is, it is not easy to accept this concept. In fact, patience is not the default nature of humans. Practicing patience takes a lot of faith and effort. In Surah Anbiya, verse 37, Allah (SWT) says: “Man is a creature of haste.”

In August 2020, my world turned upside down when I suddenly lost my eyesight (for a few days) due to a rare autoimmune disorder called Anti-MOG. My daughter was only 7 months old. Coronavirus had conquered the world, and hospital restrictions were unreal. I was alone in the hospital for most of the time, my husband was allowed for limited visits, and my baby was only allowed to visit for breastfeeding. None of it felt fair, to say the least.

I don’t have the words to describe the journey. To say that it was devastating, terrifying, or tragic is an understatement. Being in the hospital alone is a whole other story. I felt lost and confused: “why me?” “how?” “when?” “what’s next?”

Despite being an author of a book that talks about the 99 names of Allah, I was crushed spiritually. At times, it felt like Allah abandoned me, leaving me in the chaos of an unknown illness, caring for a child in the midst of a pandemic. My whole body attacked me repeatedly despite the treatment, the cries, prayers, and collapsing.

In these challenging times, just like anyone else, my faith was like a roller-coaster; once at a high, and the other, it hit rock bottom. But it also left me asking: “Isn’t all of this supposed to be gone anyway?” “Was I expecting to have my health till the end?” And “if Allah took my eyesight permanently one day, what is the legacy I want to leave behind?”

Through my art, I want to shed light on the miraculous beauty of our faith. I want to bring the comfort of Allah’s remembrance to your hearts before your homes. So here I am, stroking my weakness into art and trusting Allah in my heart. — Seeking Hope within Chaos!